I have debated as to whether to write this post or not but I think I need to for myself.
*Weight loss talk if this is triggering then please don't read on
I did something this morning that I haven't done for quite some time and that was to stand on a set of scales in my bathroom. For years I let myself be defined by those little red numbers that stared back at me as I religiously stood on the scales every Friday morning. My mood and general outlook for the rest of the day would depend on what I saw happiness if I had lost weight and anger if I had gained or stayed the same. I was trapped in a never ending cycle of yo-yo dieting and telling myself that if only I could lose another stone I would finally be happy and my life could start.
Once I discovered the world of plus size blogging, fat acceptance and body positivity the scales were put away to gather dust and I freed myself from that life and just enjoyed being me and blogging my journey along the way, and found a new happiness and sense of peace, but somewhere in the last month or so something has changed.
It can be hard as a plus size blogger as we are champions of body positivity but what happens when you no longer feel so positive about your own body? Do you just carry on and hope you will feel better after all we all have good and bad days? When the bad days became more frequent I found myself looking back through my photos and noticing the gradual weight gain which in turn then led to the scales being dusted off this morning.
I am going through a difficult time in my private life at the moment (you may have seen me mentioning things on Twitter) and this is leading me to have to think about all areas of my life including my weight and general health and for me personally I have hit the limit the full sign is coming up and I have to decide what do I want to do?
What I want to do is start exercising again nothing major I am not going to turn into a gym bunny overnight, just simple things like walking which I used to do all the time and I may even attempt yet again the couch to 5k programme just to see if I can do it, after all who says a fat girl can't run?!
I am not joining any organised weight loss programmes as for one reason I don't like them and for another with the financial pressure of what is happening in my personal life I can't afford them. I just want to change how I eat and what I eat as I realise my body is beginning to shout at me and I am not getting any younger!
I do feel the need to point out that this is just how I feel about me I will always be plus size even if I lose some weight and I never want to leave the PS community as I have met so many awesome people who inspire me every day. This is just something I need to do as my diet has left me with constant heartburn, I feel sluggish and my skin is suffering as well as my mental health and to deal with the coming months I need to be at my best.
I really hope I haven't upset anyone with this post and believe me I will not be spouting all over social media and harping on as no-one wants to hear that not even me!!! No I just want to quietly make some changes to my lifestyle that are for my own benefit but I will still be me but I needed to do this post as sometimes you just need to let it all out.
If you have made it this far then thank you for reading!
